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Try to come to an agreement with your roommate about which areas they can keep pristine (such as the kitchen and dining room) and which areas can be set aside to be tidied at the end of the day by parents and child. One is a great age for allowing your toddler to help put toys away (such as blocks). Try explaining to your roommate that you don't want her to grow up and expect others to clean up for her, & that it is difficult for you and her to relax because you feel that baby's 'mess' is bothering him/her. I've had children in my care who are afraid to get dirty and are conscious of what toys they play with because of never being allowed to make a mess at home and afraid of getting into trouble for getting their clothes dirty. (like the anxiety you described) They were under 5 yrs old. Let kids be kids and allow them to enjoy their playtime, that is how they learn after all.